Grin

SOUTH AFRICA – In a surprising turn of events, Employment and Labour Minister Thulas Nxesi has decided to showcase his unique talent for making R5 billion disappear from the Unemployment Insurance Fund (UIF). The act, which he claims is a magical endeavour to combat unemployment, involves filing an urgent court application to set aside the controversial UIF contract.

Speaking to the media on Thursday, Nxesi explained, “It’s not corruption; it’s just a little sleight of hand for the greater good. Abracadabra, and poof! R5 billion vanished from the UIF like jobs in a disappearing act.”

The minister denied allegations of seeking bribes, stating, “Mdwaba’s claims are as imaginary as my disappearing billions. I categorically deny these magical accusations. I’m not a wizard; I’m just a minister with a flair for illusions.”

When questioned about the recent accusation that he planned to siphon off R500 million from the UIF contract, Nxesi responded, “How can I siphon money from a deal I’ve already stopped? It’s like trying to pull a rabbit out of a hat that isn’t there. Purely impossible.”

Explaining the decision to set aside the agreement, Nxesi cited the breach of the Public Finance Management Act. “Apparently, in the magic world of government transactions, you’re supposed to inform someone before making money disappear. Who knew?”

As Nxesi prepared his magic act for the court, he challenged Mdwaba to present evidence of his allegations. “If he can’t prove it, I’ve asked the court for an interdict to stop his illusions. We can’t have multiple magicians in the same show; it’s bad for business.”

In a surprising twist, further allegations emerged that Nxesi and former Labour Department Director General Thobile Lamati colluded to illegally siphon off R3 billion. Nxesi welcomed the investigation, saying, “It’s just another magical chapter in the enchanted book of government finances. Expecto audit!”

As the nation awaits the outcome of this magical spectacle, Minister Nxesi seems poised to join the prestigious Magician’s Guild, proving that in the world of government finance, disappearing acts are not just for rabbits anymore.

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