Grin

KIMBERLEY – In a groundbreaking move by the South African Police Service (SAPS), it has been officially declared that the mere display of a nervous face is sufficient justification for law enforcement to invade your personal space. This development comes after the Kimberley Tactical Response Team (TRT) made a daring arrest of a 29-year-old Chinese national for the shocking crime of unlawfully possessing a firearm and ammunition. Why? Because he seemed a tad uneasy, of course.

The incident unfolded in Kutlwanong, Galeshewe, where the TRT, armed with unparalleled intuition for detecting nervous delivery trucks, stumbled upon a suspect vehicle standing at a local business establishment. The vehicle, allegedly acting nervously, immediately caught the attention of the TRT, prompting them to initiate a high-stakes game of “Spot the Suspicious” in the sleepy streets of Kimberley.

With the precision of a seasoned detective, the TRT demanded proof of delivery and invoices, employing the classic routine stop-and-search tactic. One can never be too careful, especially when dealing with jittery delivery trucks, a known harbinger of crime.

The nervous suspect, realizing haste is practically a criminal act, hastily retreated into the yard. Police members, displaying the agility of seasoned gazelles, followed suit and found him near a car inside the yard – a car, mind you, that may have been harbouring the world’s most anxious firearm.

With a well-practised script, the police requested permission to search the vehicle and uncovered a bulletproof vest, a black case concealing a 9mm firearm with two (2) magazines, and a collection of hollow point 9mm bullets. The suspect, clearly failing the “Show Me Your Legal Gun License” game, was promptly arrested for the high crime of having a nervous disposition and, oh, also unlawful possession of a firearm and ammunition.

Provincial Commissioner Lieutenant General Koliswa Otola praised the TRT members for their incredible knack for creating justifications for impromptu police interventions. She asserted that the proliferation of illegal firearms is directly linked to the commission of serious and violent crimes, conveniently ignoring the fact that nervously parked delivery trucks are the true menace to society.

In the spirit of the festive season, Lieutenant General Otola promised rigorous policing of illegal firearms, reminding citizens that frowning or avoiding eye contact with law enforcement might lead to their next holiday surprise – a warrantless search party brought to you by the SAPS Grin Brigade. Happy holidays, indeed!