NORTHERN CAPE – Residents of Kimberley have had enough. The city’s escalating water crisis has pushed them past blaming ghosts and gremlins, and onto a theory that exposes the true villains: their own elected councillors. Locals suspect these bumbling officials, with their ample waistlines and vacant stares, are secretly the Teletubby overlords behind the water disruptions.
“Forget the suits and fancy titles,” fumed one resident, who wished to remain anonymous out of fear of a suspiciously cheerful “big hug!” retaliation. “Those so-called representatives haven’t done a day’s work since they were elected. Clearly, they’re using their spare time and our money to hire desperate criminals or, worse yet, circus clowns to tamper with our water supply.”
The councillors’ persistent denial of any wrongdoing, often accompanied by nonsensical babbling that sounds suspiciously like “Uh-oh!”, only strengthens the public’s suspicions.
“We demand accountability!” cried another resident, brandishing a now-useless bidet as a symbol of defiance. “Are they trying to sabotage the elections? Or are they simply too inept to handle basic infrastructure? Either way, their jig is up. We know they’re the tubby masterminds behind this chaos!”
The Sol Plaatje municipality’s introduction of indefinite water interruptions points to a nefarious plot, and residents aren’t buying the lame excuses anymore. Frustration is at an all-time high as taps run dry and political shenanigans leave a foul odour in the air.
“We pay them to solve problems, not create them,” declared a local business owner, gesturing toward a withered pot plant that formerly served as office decor. “Perhaps it’s time these power-hungry Teletubbies went back to rolling around in their grassy wonderland and left the grown-up work to, well, grown-ups.”
As calls for an investigation into the alleged water sabotage grow, one thing is certain: whether it’s hungry criminals, clumsy clowns, or Teletubby-shaped politicians wreaking havoc, the citizens of Kimberley refuse to stay thirsty any longer.
Disclaimer: This article is wholly satirical and does not suggest any actual councillors resemble beloved children’s show characters. Then again, wouldn’t that explain a lot?