EASTERN CAPE – In a bold new policy announcement, the Democratic Alliance (DA) unveiled its plan to tackle childhood hunger in the Eastern Cape: The “Breadwinner Boot Camp” program.
“We understand the people of the Eastern Cape are tired of empty promises,” declared DA leader John Steenhuisen. “That’s why we’re offering a real solution: training our hungry children to become financially independent!”
The DA’s program will take children as young as eight years old and equip them with valuable skills like pickpocketing, dumpster diving, and advanced begging techniques.
“These are essential life skills in today’s economy,” insisted Steenhuisen. “By the time they turn twelve, these children will be self-sufficient entrepreneurs, putting food back on their families’ tables.”
Critics have decried the plan as exploitative and dangerous.
“This is child labour disguised as empowerment,” fumed Xolela Ntliki, spokesperson for the African National Congress (ANC). “The DA is turning children into street urchins instead of addressing the root causes of poverty.”
The DA remains undeterred.
“The ANC offers nothing but empty rhetoric,” Steenhuisen countered. “We offer a path to self-reliance. These children won’t be begging, they’ll be negotiating!”
Disclaimer: Please note, that most of the information in this article is a work of satire and a potential exaggeration brought on by a deep hunger for truth and social justice.
Tags: DA Democratic Alliance