CAPE TOWN – In an effort to streamline criminal activities and accommodate the increasingly busy schedules of muggers, SANParks has issued a groundbreaking directive for Lion’s Head and Signal Hill: crimes are to be confined to daylight hours. Yes, you heard it right – even criminals need work-life balance.
In a letter to tour operators, Table Mountain National Park (TMNP) manager Megan Taplin highlighted the surge in criminal incidents, urging tour guides to limit activities to the time when the sun is actually on the payroll.
“Look, we get it. The views are great, especially during sunrise and sunset. But recent incidents have shown us that even criminals need a break to catch some rays,” Taplin noted. “It’s all about creating a harmonious balance between breathtaking views and muggers’ work hours.”
The move comes after a knifepoint mugging incident involving British long-distance runner Tom Evans. In an unexpected turn of events, the elite athlete, robbed of his wedding ring, running watch, and phone, decided to leave the country. It seems the criminals are getting too ambitious even for seasoned runners.
Taplin went on to caution against full moon or night hikes, suggesting that even criminals need their beauty sleep. “We want tourists to enjoy the scenery without fearing for their valuables. It’s like a criminal siesta, you know?”
Meanwhile, race organizers for the RMB Ultra Trail Cape Town (UTCT) are taking no chances. After the unfortunate incident with Evans, security along the race route has been beefed up. Because when you have international runners coming in for a race, you don’t want them sprinting away from muggers instead.
So, there you have it – daylight savings, but make it criminally efficient. The only time you should worry about your safety is when the sun is off duty. Welcome to Cape Town, where even crime has office hours!
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