Grin

NORTHERN CAPE – In a dazzling display of digital democracy, the Democratic Alliance (DA) has once again proven that they’re the true custodians of free speech by promptly removing a citizen and the media from municipal WhatsApp groups for the heinous crime of desiring unbiased news coverage.

The saga unfolded when a DA ward councillor in Kimberley went on a verbal rampage against a local newspaper for their so-called “unbiased” reporting. In a swift and decisive move, the councillor removed a resident who dared to join the conversation, marking a triumph for democracy and ensuring that only the most partial voices echo in the digital chambers of Kimberley’s municipal wards.

This move, however, is just the tip of the iceberg in the DA’s quest for media utopia. Reports have surfaced of a media blockade orchestrated by DA members in the Northern Cape. These daring guardians of information purity have been removing and blocking media from ward groups with the precision of a censorious maestro, all while claiming to champion unbiased, unpolitical information.

Unnamed sources suggest that the grand scheme involves keeping residents misinformed, maintaining a perpetual state of anger toward the ruling government, and eventually emerging as the saviours who watched the critical infrastructure crumble like a pack of popcorn in the microwave. Critics argue that the DA’s playbook seems to be short on solutions but overflowing with frustration and useless information, like a manual for assembling IKEA furniture.

The resident and the media, forcibly ejected from the digital town square, are now left to ponder their violated rights and freedoms. With an air of despair, they’re wondering if their Constitution is just a well-decorated piece of wall art.

National DA, resembling a mime in a world of noise, has remained eerily silent on the issue. After breaking the media censorship story, the party has adopted a stance of selective obliviousness, choosing not to officially acknowledge or address the allegations. Political experts are calling it the “Ostrich Maneuver” – stick your head in the sand and hope the problem goes away.

SAHRC Summoned for Emergency Etiquette Intervention

In a surprising twist, the South African Human Rights Commission (SAHRC) has entered the chat, preparing an emergency etiquette lesson for politicians on the proper usage of the WhatsApp banhammer. Their plan includes a crash course on democracy, freedom of speech, and the art of not throwing a tantrum when someone disagrees with you.

The media, for their part, has generously extended an olive branch, offering the DA an opportunity for an amicable resolution by reinstating the publication to all ward groups. However, as the saying goes, you can lead a political horse to water, but you can’t make it drink unbiased news.

In the meantime, the DA Northern Cape is setting a shining example of democratic dictatorship, proving that they’re not just the party of the people but also the gatekeepers of information. As the media languishes on the DA’s ghost list, one can’t help but wonder if freedom of speech is just another victim of the party’s crusade for cleanliness in the digital realm.

Read more on The Kimberley Prospector. [1] [2]